So… I had surgery at the end of August. I’ll eventually post about the how and why, but I’m just currently so done with talking about it.
It’s supposed to be this life-changing process, but so far it isn’t going as planned and I’m not loving anything.
I was supposed to be out of work for 2 weeks… Then that turned into 3… Then 4.. And so on. I’m stuck.
At first I didn’t mind. I thought, “okay, well I’ll be able to do my schoolwork and I can watch movies and binge on some Netflix series.”
As time went on, days felt lonelier, money began to run tight, and I felt like my apartment walls were closing in on me.
A couple days ago I found myself sitting in complete silence and watching the movie of my life play out in my own mind. So fed up with TV and schoolwork and reading and puzzles and coloring and scrolling Pinterest… You name it, I’ve done it. This movie of life I was playing in my mind was more of the life I wished I were living, not the one I’m presently living.
Ever been that down and out to the point you fantasize about what life could be, but isn’t?
I wish I were prettier. I wish I could take some choices in life back. I wish I were born in different skin. I wish my family weren’t crazy and separate.
I was so bored all I could do was dwell on the things I cannot change.
So I’m writing. And I will continue to.
**of course my puppers always cheers me up