Join Me In My Life-Changing Journey…

WARNING: This blog post contains graphic content and may be sensitive to some. If this is too much for you, you may unfollow me or simply leave the post alone. If this is somewhat awesome to you, please share my post with others (and let me know!).

So… no, it’s not a bookish post, but I’m hoping y’all will read anyways!

I haven’t been reading much – between school, all of my doctor’s visits, and this recovery in general, I’ve been a little neglectful of my books, but I promise I’ll get back to reading and reviewing soon!

As I have mentioned in my other blog posts, I am going through a medical journey. Last night, I decided to finally reveal what I am going through on my personal Facebook page and I received such an overwhelming outpouring of positivity and support that I decided to share with the whole world, including my fellow bloggers!

I will begin with the backstory…

In 1994, I was born with a rare skin condition that left me with pre-melanomic cells, with a high likelihood of becoming metastatic melanoma. Doctors decided to take all precautions necessary and remove the concerning marks, beginning with a giant congenital nevus that was splayed from the left side of my torso around to my back. This surgery was done by an amazing plastic surgeon at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston when I was 8 months old, just old enough to go through a procedure like this. The surgery was done over 8 days, including excision of skin and the addition of skin grafts. Unfortunately, I do not have any pictures of this time… Pictures weren’t as easily taken and kept back in the 90’s as they are now on all of our digital platforms.

Below are 3 photos that show you what the scar has looked like over the years – I have never been ashamed of my body, scared to display my scars to the world, or even sensitive to the subject. It is a part of who I am and a part of my story.

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If these are gross, repulsive, or even scary to you, please step away. They will only get more graphic as we go.

A couple months ago I met with a new plastic surgeon (since my wonderful surgeon from the 90s has retired) about something on my face. Little did I know that this would turn into having my scar REMOVED! Little did I know, if I want to have children, this procedure is necessary and I am not getting any younger so I said, “let’s do it!”

It has been an uncomfortable struggle, but I know every minute will be worth it in the end.

I have 4 tissue expanders located subdermally – two in my torso and two in my back. Tissue expansion is often seen done in the head, arms, or legs for burn victims and is not often done in trunk of the body. I am rare, tell me something I don’t know.

The expanders are filled up twice a week with saline solution – the main goal is for the expanders to stretch the healthy skin so that once they are big enough (about the size of a full grown eggplant), the scar can be excised and my trunk can be covered with the new grown skin.

Below are 4 photos I took yesterday (11/5/2018) after my 3rd week of fill-ups. These are graphic.

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Some questions to answer:

  • Yes, it is painful, especially the days of fill-ups.
  • Yes, I can only sleep in one position.
  • Yes, they can pop! I have to be mindful of sharp edges, even pen tips.
  • Yes, I feel like the Pillsbury Dough Boy or the Michelin Man.

 

I wanted to post something since it’s been so long, but I didn’t have any material. This is my personal blog so I decided to get personal!

I hope you will all continue to follow and support me through this journey. I am so grateful for this experience and would be even more grateful if I had a team of supporters behind me!

Thanks for reading 🙂

Happy Tuesday!

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Boredom is a MIND REELING Machine

So… I had surgery at the end of August. I’ll eventually post about the how and why, but I’m just currently so done with talking about it.

It’s supposed to be this life-changing process, but so far it isn’t going as planned and I’m not loving anything.

I was supposed to be out of work for 2 weeks… Then that turned into 3… Then 4.. And so on. I’m stuck.

At first I didn’t mind. I thought, “okay, well I’ll be able to do my schoolwork and I can watch movies and binge on some Netflix series.”

As time went on, days felt lonelier, money began to run tight, and I felt like my apartment walls were closing in on me.

A couple days ago I found myself sitting in complete silence and watching the movie of my life play out in my own mind. So fed up with TV and schoolwork and reading and puzzles and coloring and scrolling Pinterest… You name it, I’ve done it. This movie of life I was playing in my mind was more of the life I wished I were living, not the one I’m presently living.

Ever been that down and out to the point you fantasize about what life could be, but isn’t?

I wish I were prettier. I wish I could take some choices in life back. I wish I were born in different skin. I wish my family weren’t crazy and separate.

I was so bored all I could do was dwell on the things I cannot change.

So I’m writing. And I will continue to.

**of course my puppers always cheers me up